Tuesday, January 27, 2009

1 MORE MONTH UNTIL..........

Payson's first birthday. He is 11 months today. I can not believe it has been almost a year since God bless us with this wonderful little (BIG) boy. Seems like when you want life to go by fast it doesn't and then when you want it to go by slow it flies by. He finally after 10 months got some teeth. And he is crawling around and pulling up on everything but not yet walking. Even though he is so big he is such a loving baby, and I think he is going to be a MaMa's Boy!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

First Post of the Year

So, where do I begin, it has been so long since I blogged, I think that I might of forgot how too. I know I was not very good at blogging anyway. Sometimes I have so many good thoughts but do not no how to relay them in writing. But alot has been happening and we have busier than ever. As soon as Matt got home from training it was Christmas, the New Year, Phillip's Birthday, Anna's Birthday, and of course Matt's new job and odd hours.

We have been so busy with everything, we haven't had much time to be husband and wife. I know that sounds corney but really I guess that what you would say. But anyway I think last week we had the worst week of our marriage yet! We managed to have two of the most horrible fights I think ever. Yelling, Screaming, and Slepping on the couch(No hitting even though it might had crossed our minds). I was really upset about it, did not know what to do to change it. Could not go take back the words said or unsaid. I thought how could it have come to this, every frustation, problem,of selfish desire was all put into one week of battles. And some where in all of this was two people who love each other but do not know what direction to take to solve any of it.

I would like to think we have perfect marriage but we do not. We are so different for the most part, which is good, b/c we usually even each other out. But sometimes we just do not see eye to eye. For note to myself, I am OCD about a clean house, I am a high strung person, and I guess I would say a am a perfectionist among many other things I have learned about myself from all of this. When things are not the way I want them I can not handle it. I really stress about all of these things. That said my husband it none all of these things. He is laid back, does not care if every little is perfect, and is a farely easy person about everything. Sometimes I think a little to laid back.

I am controlling and want things my way as many of us do. But this marriage is not always about me and what I want. It is not always about what my husband wants, it is about what God's wants for my marriage. And boy am I learning this the hard way. The bible says to "treat others as thall would want to be treated". That means your husband too. If I want to be respected even when I shouldn't be, loved when I am unlovable, then I must do the same for my husband. And boy last week I sure thought he was unlovable. Marriage is about giving in, scarificing, and submitting to each other. Even when you just rather stand your ground and say no this the way I want it.

I was reading a blog the other day and learned that if you want the people who you love, to love you and respect when you are having a moment or lots of moments, then you have to do the same for them. And maybe if you give them a little room to breathe, they will give you the same respect back. So this week I thought I am just going to go with flow, do all I can do and if something does not get done do not sweat it. We when I came home yesterday, Matt had got off early he had clean the house, picked up the mounting toys that are usually all over the house, and unloaded and loaded the dish washer. I was so surprised. I know the day would have been different because the devil himself tried to make a battle earlier in the day between us but rather take the bait, I said no if I lose it now, I will say something or do something I will reget that will change the whole day.