Tuesday, January 13, 2009

First Post of the Year

So, where do I begin, it has been so long since I blogged, I think that I might of forgot how too. I know I was not very good at blogging anyway. Sometimes I have so many good thoughts but do not no how to relay them in writing. But alot has been happening and we have busier than ever. As soon as Matt got home from training it was Christmas, the New Year, Phillip's Birthday, Anna's Birthday, and of course Matt's new job and odd hours.

We have been so busy with everything, we haven't had much time to be husband and wife. I know that sounds corney but really I guess that what you would say. But anyway I think last week we had the worst week of our marriage yet! We managed to have two of the most horrible fights I think ever. Yelling, Screaming, and Slepping on the couch(No hitting even though it might had crossed our minds). I was really upset about it, did not know what to do to change it. Could not go take back the words said or unsaid. I thought how could it have come to this, every frustation, problem,of selfish desire was all put into one week of battles. And some where in all of this was two people who love each other but do not know what direction to take to solve any of it.

I would like to think we have perfect marriage but we do not. We are so different for the most part, which is good, b/c we usually even each other out. But sometimes we just do not see eye to eye. For note to myself, I am OCD about a clean house, I am a high strung person, and I guess I would say a am a perfectionist among many other things I have learned about myself from all of this. When things are not the way I want them I can not handle it. I really stress about all of these things. That said my husband it none all of these things. He is laid back, does not care if every little is perfect, and is a farely easy person about everything. Sometimes I think a little to laid back.

I am controlling and want things my way as many of us do. But this marriage is not always about me and what I want. It is not always about what my husband wants, it is about what God's wants for my marriage. And boy am I learning this the hard way. The bible says to "treat others as thall would want to be treated". That means your husband too. If I want to be respected even when I shouldn't be, loved when I am unlovable, then I must do the same for my husband. And boy last week I sure thought he was unlovable. Marriage is about giving in, scarificing, and submitting to each other. Even when you just rather stand your ground and say no this the way I want it.

I was reading a blog the other day and learned that if you want the people who you love, to love you and respect when you are having a moment or lots of moments, then you have to do the same for them. And maybe if you give them a little room to breathe, they will give you the same respect back. So this week I thought I am just going to go with flow, do all I can do and if something does not get done do not sweat it. We when I came home yesterday, Matt had got off early he had clean the house, picked up the mounting toys that are usually all over the house, and unloaded and loaded the dish washer. I was so surprised. I know the day would have been different because the devil himself tried to make a battle earlier in the day between us but rather take the bait, I said no if I lose it now, I will say something or do something I will reget that will change the whole day.


Amy said...

First of all...marriage is work. It's worth it, but it sure isn't fun and laughs all the time. Second...PLEASE tell me that you and Matt are joining our Small Group! Details in Sunday's bulletin. Nutshell, meet every 2 weeks, once at our house, once at a restaurant. First meeting 2/13 @ chili's.

Shelley said...

YES, I am joining your Small Group with or without Matt. He is working crazy hours and of course every weekend. But I will do my best to be there.

Fields of Plenty said...

Good to see you back! I am totally with you, it is tough not to have everything work out the way you plan. When I read your blog it immediately made me think of something Ashley Fields sent me. It's long but when I had a moment like yours it helped! You guys do have a great marriage even when it doesn't feel that way!


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day.
And while you walk, smile.
It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Talk to God about what is going on in your life.
Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is
manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water.
Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid
with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument.
Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are in need.
Your friends will.
Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings.
You'll be smiling before you know it.

Joannie said...

Shelley we have A LOT in common! I have learned over the years that its all about perspective. My husband likes to talk about a problem as soon as it happens. I on the other hand due to a previous marriage have to back away & not talk at all so that I don't get into a battle of words & say things that are bad for our relationship. (The problem is sometimes I want to go several days before talking--not good!)Marriage is like another job. It takes COMMITMENT! Some days one person is more committed than the other. But is does even out. There is no perfect marriage BUT there are a lot of good marriages thanks to God! He helps us see things in ourselves that if our spouse told us there really would be fights!!! A few things to remember:Love is a decision.Love's NOT a competition. Prayer works wonders. When you get upset with Matt, pray to God & vent all your anger/frustrations or hurts. God can deal with them better than you & once you give them to him---he has a way of showing or allowing you the ability to deal with whatever the situation is! This has worked miracles for me! I also have some specific prayers (31 days) I'll bring you Sunday that have helped me. I'll be praying for strength, guidance, peace & love for your marriage!

Ashley Waldrop said...

Don't think you are the only one going through this. Heath and I are SO very different and it sounds like Heath is a lot like Matt and I am a lot like you. Since I started back to school and can't be at home all day getting done what needs to be done, we've had some issues that we are just going to have to work through also! I loved reading your post and I am so glad your back!

codie lee said...

Ok.. your blog called and said that it is very happy you remembered it.

And secondly... I am always here for you... Which duh.. you know that... and..

Lastly i love you, my brother in law maybe oneday, your sweet angel baby children (all 3) and your Mommie very much!

Roll Tide.

Now to business:

I would have been all inspirational and gave advice but I really am lacking in the marriage department so I will just remind you of things you already know.... like I am always here for you, Olive Garden is only a quick drive up the road, we can always charge something to go shopping, and i am really good at baby sitting your baby children while you and Matt go on a date... good idea... yall do that. I will watch them babies. That's all I got.. love you! :)

codie lee said...

p.s. i tagged you... see my blog for details.

Joannie said...

The papers are just some things to read, prayers & stuff from a class we did on marriage. I hope some of it helps!

Fields of Plenty said...

Thank you so much for the sweet comment! We do try hard to teach the girls about him, it means a lot for someone else to notice! We appreciate it, love you guys!